It’s a Rabid Raccoon World

We have a wild raccoon wandering the neighborhood and it is freaking my neighbor out. She is just sure that if it isn’t rabid yet, IT WILL BE SOON. So, she decided to call Critter Control to come take care of finding the raccoon a new home.

Now remember, we live in the HILLS OF WEST VIRGINIA. Wildlife comes through our neighborhood in abundance. This time of year herds of deer stand on the sidewalks and munch on fallen acorns. You have to drive slowly. But, she is sure this raccoon is going to bite her kids, so I try to be a calming influence. It is not to be.

8:00 AM: Answer phone. Try to talk her out of calling Critter Control. “Just wait and see if it will go away,” I suggest.

8:10 AM: Call DH. Find out he has found a person who has a live trap. We can set it up tonight.

8:20 AM: Call neighbor. “Hey! We have a trap available!” Too late. Critter Control was already ON THE WAY (for a mere $150).

9:15 AM: Watch Critter Control guy as he is unable to catch the raccoon. Kind of hilarious, actually. We have one canny raccoon!

9:30 AM: Critter Control guy starts setting up a live trap in my neighbor’s driveway (because raccoons love driveways). I go back inside.

Now here comes the part that I am SO SORRY I missed. I thought CC guy was getting ready to leave, so I left too. I have stuff to do, after all! ☺ Emails to send! Blogs to write!

But, things were just getting good! ANOTHER neighbor hears the commotion and comes out into the alley behind our houses. She is home sick. So, she’s wearing a teeny tiny nightie covered by a teeny tiny robe and that’s about it. No slippers. She’s on concrete and it’s 55’ outside. Did I mention she’s feeling sick? I think the medication was getting to her.

She grabs the cage from the Critter Control guy and says something to the effect of how she’ll show him how to do his job (oh my!).

I think she was hallucinating that she was the “RACCOON WHISPERER” because she actually tried to approach the raccoon (who was calmly watching this bizarre scene…hoping the crazy people would go away so he could go back to sleep) WITH the CAGE, hoping to coax it to HOP RIGHT IN.

Right.

I wouldn’t be able to get my CAT to hop in a cage like that!

Maybe she was hoping it was a boy raccoon.

9:45 AM: Critter Control guy leaves behind a live trap that he has set behind our garage (an area where we have NEVER SEEN the raccoon, but maybe he knows something we do not).

I’m rather thinking HE has a story to tell tonight too! It’s not every day you meet a scantily clad, somewhat rude, RACCOON WHISPERER!

He said he’d be back. I just bet he will.