Relaxin'

Now, here's a boy who knows how to relax! You should have heard the giggles! :)

Matt highly recommends using a noodle, goggles, Spiderman swim-fins with water-squirting capabilities, and 2 water weights to maintain a calming, buoyant float in the pool.

Ack! My LIPS!

I have thin lips. Yeah, I know. Boo hoo. I never really cared and I'm sure not into injecting anything into them to make them fuller, but then I started seeing these lipsticks that supposedly plump them up.

I keep expecting one of them to have the slogan, "I'm gonna PLUMP ...you UP." (Thanks, Hans & Franz, for that).

So, when my daughter Sarah and I were out shopping, we found a pretty pink lip gloss and laughed ourselves silly because it is also a LIP PLUMPER. Are you smiling? Yeah. It's funny. It was also half off and just the right color... so I bought it. I feel SO TRENDY!

I put some on yesterday. I love the color. It's pink and glossy. :) But I think it plumps lips by BURNING THEM OFF. :) Oh, I laughed and laughed over THAT. And WHAT in the WORLD happens when you KISS someone with this stuff on? I was afraid to even kiss one of the kids! "ACK! MOM! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY CHEEK! IS THAT A LIP-SHAPED HOLE YOU'VE BURNED INTO MY FACE?"

But, thankfully, the burning wore off and after awhile it just looked like pretty lip gloss. Were my lips fuller? Maybe... from biting them to keep from laughing uproariously the entire time I had it on.

Then I discovered that I BOUGHT THE WRONG KIND! I'm on this particularly ineffective diet that has me on a plateau I cannot get off, and here all I needed to do was BUY THE RIGHT LIP GLOSS!

Loss Gloss (Lip Plumping & Appetizer Inhibitor):
"Now you'll have luscious lips AND lose inches from your hips with new Loss Gloss. Experience a totally unique holistic approach to beauty. This regimen will allow you to protect and beautify your lips while providing recognized appetite inhibitors and sugar blockers.*

Well, what do you think? Is it worth the $7.50? hahaha Oh, I seriously doubt it, but it might be worth it just to have a box that reads, "Lip Plumping and & Appetizer Inhibitor." That just cracks me up!

Mother's Day... a Thankful Memory

I heard something on Mother's Day that made me very thankful for my mom.

A lady at church who has adopted children wanted to remind us all to be thankful for moms ... and for the moms who raise other women's children.

At first I thought that was very nice, especially since I was adopted myself.

But then I realized how grateful I am that my own mom never made me feel that way. I never once felt like I was anything other than her own child, adopted or not. It was a sense of belonging that she gifted me with, as well as abundant love.

Is He in the Doghouse???

Is my husband in the doghouse? You decide. :)

Does forgetting your kids are making your wife breakfast on Mother's Day and waking her up 10 minutes before their alarm goes off so that she is already eating when they wake up count?

Does leaving the light on so that your wife wakes up 30 minutes too early on Mother's Day count?

Does NOT SAYING Happy Mother's Day EVEN AFTER YOUR KIDS AND TWO (that's right TWO) OTHER MEN have wished her well count?

Does MOM (ie ME) having to fix dinner on Mother's Day count?

Does NO chocolate, NO flowers count? (BTW, we live 3 miles from a Russell Stover OUTLET.) (Also BTW, in his job as pastor, he gave flowers to THREE other women today. THREE)

I could go on, but I think I can rest my case. What do you think? I think I'm off the hook for Father's Day in a BIG WAY.

Now, in case you are thinking, "OH MY! Chris had a horrible day!" Don't. I'm rather used to it. I've stomped on his feet a few times to express my displeasure and it's okay now. MY KIDS made my day wonderful. They gave me such wonderful gifts, but my favorites were all their beaming faces when they found me this morning to say, "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!" :)

SLAM!

My poor 45-year-old husband. He went to the dentist today and after they had him in the chair, the dental hygienist asked him if he was working or retired. Working. Or. RETIRED.

He's 45.

Okay, so maybe he has a lot of gray hair. :) Personally, I think it looks really great on him.

But, not only does he now think he looks old, but they told him maybe he should drink his coffee out of a straw to cut down on staining his teeth.

So, he's been walking around all day with his coffee mug and a purple straw and possibly contemplating hair color.

Ahem.

The Explanation

(My brother just sent me this in an email ... I couldn't resist posting it here).

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin . In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar.
Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.
At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed.
Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.
One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager of the bank -- subsequently, of course, fired due his negativity -- decides that the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.
However they cannot pay back the debts.
Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.
DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95%. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.
The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation.
Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.
The bank is saved by the government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.
The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied against the non-drinkers.

Finally an explanation I understand ...