Sunday, July 19, 2009

A Detestable Man

I have an evil and detestable husband.


And detestable.


Oh, that will become obvious as you read along. Rest assured, this story completely undoes any positive (and glowing) effects that he had today when he told me (for the first time in 20 years) that I looked beautiful.


But, I digress.

No, the new memorable moment of today occurred just a few moments ago and sent me running out of the house (into the pitch black night) in a blind panic.

My evil spouse decided he was hungry at 10 PM. (I am on a diet). He went and made a double cheese grilled cheese sandwich. (I am on a diet). It had provolone and american cheese on it. (I am on a diet). It had whole wheat bread. (I am on a diet). He put 7 perfect rounds of pepperoni on it. (I am on a diet). It smelled of gooey lusciousness. (I am on a diet).

He came and sat down in the same room with me, incredible smells emulating from a plate carrying not one but TWO heavenly sandwiches.

I started to drool. I asked, "Can I just taste one?"

"Of course!" he said.

I took a bite. I sighed. It was perfection. I nibbled along the edge. He said, "I made one just for you."


"I made one just for you!"

"AAAGH!" That sandwich was way too delicious to walk away from. I had to RUN. Outside. Fast. WithOUT that sandwich.

So, I saved myself from his evil machinations. That Robert with his, "You're beautiful," and his, "Here, I made this incredible sandwich just for you," comments. I am not fooled!

He's just throwing me off my guard so he can lose more weight than me in our weight loss race! I know it! HA! ;) (WINK)


Summer said...

Evil. Just Evil. lol.

Chris said...

Hey Summer! So glad you are back! :) Glad you got my sense of humor on this too. :) Let's just say that some people did NOT. As in, it also posts to my Facebook account and the first person to comment over there thought I was being SERIOUS. WELL! Can you imagine? :)

Daisy said...

Aw...he sounds very sweet, your hubby does. :) In a twisted, evil sort of way, of course. HA! That sandwich sounds really good!

Chris said...

OH, yes, he is very sweet in an evil, twisted sort of way. :) hehe No, really, he's a very kind person. I just like to tease him and he loves it. I know he does! Really! ;)